Overwhelmament

Overwhelmament is my new noun/pet/state of existence, and It has so much mass that Its floppy ass is wrapped around both of my shoulders. I imagine this butt to be the blue of a cloudy October sky, and that tiny legs and feet are likewise slung around me. Overwhelmament has tiny arms that are  clinging to me by my temples, which explains the pervasive headache. I have no idea where Its head is because it is mostly looming behind me, but I assume it is somewhere up Its ass. It occasionally giggles, maliciously and at a grating high pitch. I think when It looks up - to share a laugh with the Universe at my expense - it has a banana-shaped face, pink eyes, and three scraggly cartoon hairs.

I think Overwhelmament lives at my desk, waiting for me to check my email.

I wish I knew a better way to deal with Overwhelmament, which I never really had a problem with in any other workplace. I like my workplace, but it has some issues. One of them is that Overwhelmament comes with the package, although retirement benefits do not.

Strangely, my colleagues seem to accept Overwhelmament as a normal presence. Everyone else has one too, and yet no one has the energy to pluck It off. But I know this is possible; I do so every time I shut down Outlook and turn off the light. I feel it is not normal for every employee to carry around Overwhelmament, not is it normal to lack a retirement package.